Memo to people who like to scribble stuff on desks

“Sofa King We Todd Did” and “Fuh-Q” are not nearly as clever as you think they are.

That is all.

A bugbear for fantasy readers

How the hell do you pronounce the names these authors come up with??

Some authors include pronunciation guides.  Tolkien is probably the most obvious example, as he wrote entire books about his made-up languages, and some people have even charged (with, probably, a small degree of truth) that the Silmarillion and Lord of the Rings were written so that he could showcase his languages.  Other less logophilic authors, such as Richard Adams, use footnotes to guide readers.  Adams helpfully informs us that the stresses of “El-ahrairah” are the same as in the phrase “Never say die.”

Adams included several informative footnotes through Watership Down, so he was able to get away with including a note on pronunciation.  Other authors, however, are not so fortunate, and need to employ hints in the text.  One example is in Goblet of Fire.  Rowling (pronounced “Rolling”) realized that many people (including me) had no idea how to pronounce Hermione, so she first has Ron say “‘Er-my-knee” through a mouthful of food, giving the attentive reader a clue.  Later in the book, in case we didn’t pick up on that hint, she has Hermione teach Viktor Krum how to pronounce her name.  (Incidentally, the T in Voldemort is silent, and Severus really should be pronounced “Se-VEER-us,” not “Sever-us.”  Both of these names are mispronounced in the films.)

Another example of a hint in the text appears in Mossflower by Brian Jacques, in the Redwall series.  The characters are traveling to the badger mountain Salamandastron.  I first thought it was pronounced “SALamanDAStron,” but a mole is depicted as saying incorrectly “Salad-anna-sconn,” which indicates that it’s actually pronounced “SALaMANdaSTRON.”  I don’t know if that was an intentional hint; I think SALamanDAStron sounds better, but SALaMANdaSTRON makes more sense given that the name is (apparently) based on the word “salamander.”  (It’s also described as the “fire mountain” in the text, because the badger lords have a huge forge there, so at night, you may see gouts of flame leaping up.)  It may not have occurred to Jacques (pronounced Jakes, by the way) that a reader might mentally “hear” SALamanDAStron.

Some fantasy names require knowledge of a foreign language.  One obvious example is the Chronicles of Prydain, which borrows heavily from Welsh mythology.  Without knowing at least roughly how to pronounce Welsh, names like Eilonwy and Fflewddur and Gwydion will leave the reader stumbling.  (Extremely roughly:  Eye-lon-oo-ee, Floo-thur, Goo-uh-dee-on.  Apologies to Welsh speakers.)

In some cases, however, the author doesn’t give the slightest clue as to how a name or other made-up word is pronounced, and the reader has to puzzle out a pronunciation for himself.  One example is the elided names Anne McCaffrey uses for her dragonriders, such as “F’lar.” The only clue we have is that these names emerged from the dragons slurring people’s names, such that David and Nicholas became D’vid and N’klass, and we can make an educated guess that F’lar’s name was Felar before he became a dragonrider.  So I mentally pronounce it as something between Felar and Flar, such that there is the slightest hint of a syllable where the apostrophe goes, but not a full E.  It’s almost like an aspirated schwa.

What are some peculiar names you’ve run into in your reading, and how do you suppose they’re pronounced?

Review: American Legend: The Real-Life Adventures of David Crockett by Buddy Levy

To summarize my opinion: Davy Crockett = full of win; Buddy Levy = not so much.

Davy Crockett was one of the many colorful figures associated with the Battle of the Alamo, and as such, his name is well-known to all Texans (though he is really a native son of Tennessee). He lived an interesting and colorful life, right up until the moment of his death, defending Texas and liberty to the last.

Buddy Levy isn’t that great of a biographer, though. He spent most of the biography telling us about Davy Crockett, rather than showing us his life. Levy also repeated himself a lot, attempted foreshadowing in a very ham-handed fashion, tried to tear down the legend, and spent the last few pages gushing about Billy Bob Thornton’s protrayal of Davy Crockett. So I’d recommend you find a better biographer if you are interested in reading about Mr. Crockett.

I did learn a lot of new things about Davy Crockett, though. Interesting trivia: Davy Crockett personally insulted no fewer than three future U.S. Presidents (Andrew Jackson, James K. Polk, and Martin van Buren). I knew about his break with Jackson, of course, but I didn’t realize that he also knew and disliked Polk or that he regarded van Buren with such disdain that he actually wrote a book attacking him. All hail the King of the Wild Frontier!

Born on a mountaintop in Tennessee
Greenest state in the land of the free
Killed him a b’ar when he was only three
Davy
Davy Crockett
King of the Wild Frontier!

“Review”: C.S. Lewis’s Space Trilogy

The Space Trilogy, consisting of Out of the Silent Planet, Perelandra, and That Hideous Strength, is basically Narnia for grownups.  If you’re a Christian who likes fantasy and science fiction, you’ll love it.  If not, your response will probably range from slight boredom to violent dislike, depending on your attitude toward religion in general and Christianity in particular.  (For example, if you are a douchebag like Christoph, you’ll probably hate it.)

I love C.S. Lewis, so naturally I like the Space Trilogy.  On this, my second reading, I find that it’s a little more heavyhanded than I remembered.  I do find it interesting to pick up the threads that Lewis develops in more detail in Mere Christianity and in The Screwtape Letters and probably in his other apologetics as well.  I also like that he worked in the Matter of Britain in That Hideous Strength, and naturally I get a kick out of the references to “Numinor” (although I seem to recall reading somewhere that Tolkien was not at all flattered!).  In general, while I love the books, I think they could have benefited from a slightly lighter touch.

I don’t think I have a particularly insightful or unique point of view, so rather than trying to write a more detailed review, I will close with a teaser for my next: I’m currently reading a biography of Davy Crockett, King of the Wild Frontier.  So far, he has personally dissed two, count ‘em, two future Presidents of the United States.  Nice.

Also, I wrote an essay about Davy Crockett back in the fourth grade.  I’m pretty sure I still have it, up in the attic somewhere.  So, if and when I move this summer, if I find said essay, I will type it up for you.  It will be awesome.

A question for readers

I’m guessing a lot of you guys are introverts, like me.  Do you find that prolonged exposure to people is extremely draining of your energy, such that when you get home from a long day at work or an outing with a group of acquaintances, you need to be left alone in peace and quiet to recharge?  If so, are the extroverted members of your family accepting of your needs, and how did you get them to be so?

Review: Deathstalker by Simon R. Green

I picked up Deathstalker after reading Deathstalker Legacy, which geoff sent.  It’s very good.  I enjoyed it just as much as, if not more than, Deathstalker Legacy.

One thing I found interesting about reading this book, which was written eight years before Legacy, is that I can clearly see that the author has matured as a writer.  Not that Deathstalker is bad by any means.  It’s just that Legacy demonstrates a greater command of the various tools available to writers.  You might contrast, for example, the Redwall series.  Don’t get me wrong, I love those books, but the early ones were the best by a considerable amount.  The later books start to run together.  Or consider the Bazil Broketail series, which I wrote about recently, or the Pern series.  While I enjoy them both, you definitely do not see any maturation by the author from first to last.  So it’s neat to see how Green has grown in his craft.

I wish I could come up with a specific example, but I can’t. I can’t really describe what I’m talking about.  It’s a lot of little things that add up to immerse the reader that much more in the world.

If you are wondering if you will like the book, check out my review of Deathstalker Legacy - if it sounds appealing, then Deathstalker will as well.  My only word of warning is that the books are extremely bloodthirsty.  I lost count of how many heads exploded through Deathstalker, but it must have been something like half a dozen, at least.  I look forward to tracking down the rest of the Deathstalker books.

How to Write a Poem

So, I was emailing a friend today, and came across a google ad:

How to Write a “Missing You” Love Poem

Naturally, my first thought was, “I guess Pearl Harbor sucked just a little bit more than I miss you,” but then I read the article. It provides three important tips for writing poetry.

1. Missing Someone? Brainstorm Your Feelings
Brainstorming your feelings sounds kind of bizarre, but it is a writing exercise that will greatly benefit you.

Let’s brainstorm…We feel neglected, and neglecting, right?  Haven’t had the chance to love or be loved.  And there are so many little tasks that go into a relationship.  Looking at how much we haven’t done, we almost want to give up and start afresh.

Okay.  Got that.  What’s the next step?

2. Pick Your Poem
All poetry, even your “missing you” love poems, needs some kind of structure. A simple and sparse haiku will not suffice…You want to give your poem structure, but getting stuck in the confines of a particular type will only distract you from the actual words themselves…[Y]our love poems will be best written in a style called free-verse poetry, which basically translates to no rules. Some of the best poets, such as Walt Whitman, Ezra Pound and a true genius, T.S. Eliot, favored this style.

Ok, no rules.  Gotcha.  What next?

3. Love Language
It is a major misconception that poetry only includes flowery language and vague, cryptic metaphors. It is no longer the Middle Ages; contemporary poetry speaks loud, blunt and free…Writing lovely, lilting verse doesn’t always come naturally to people because it is in direct opposition to the way that they usually speak. Using bold words will not only make writing this poem easier, but it will also illustrate your strong feelings…If you are speaking from your heart, there is no way your poem can come across as insincere…Using metaphors is always an option, but if they are used in a sloppy way, they can cheapen your poem by making it seem cliché and unoriginal.

Ok, brainstorming, free verse, original metaphors.  Got it.  That’s the last of the tips.  Let’s put it all together and see what we get…

Key quotation

It was a show of disrespect to me.

There you have it.  That’s why Wright (along with, apparently, the entire “black community” and Obama’s honky grandma) is being disowned.  It wasn’t the lack of respect for the United States.  It was the lack of respect for Obama personally.

Folks commenting on the speech in more detail include Geraghty, Ace, and Rachel Lucas.

An Engineer’s Guide to Cats

Even more awesome than it sounds. Thanks to Jonah Goldberg’s Odd Link Gal.

SuperMarioKart

You know what’s always irritated me about that game?  (The SNES version, anyway.)  When you do the MarioKart Grand Prix, against all eight opponents, the seven that are controlled by the AI have abilities you don’t.  They can jump high on command, and they appear to be able to use their special ability (for instance, Princess Toadstool throws little toadstools that make you tiny and slow) at will, whereas you have to roll over a question mark to get an item.

The Looney Tunes racing game on the PS1 is a great improvement AI-wise, no doubt because processor power increased considerably over that timeframe.  Now I want to bust out my PS1…but I have another six days in which to complete two projects, and then I must study for a final, so I think I better not.